THE TRUE BELIEVER RANT

When a nation’s educational system fails, it is a signal that the country is dying. Judging from such pertinent barometers as high school graduation and drop out rates, literacy levels, proficiency in math and science, and at least a passing knowledge of American and World history our nation is not just approaching moribund status, we are totally and completely fucked! Conditions at present are worst in our inner-city, ghetto schools where I’ve spent the better part of the last thirty years.

There are myriad reasons for the failure of our schools, certainly far too many to discuss in a single screed. Suffice it to say that one of the leading culprits responsible in no small measure for destroying what was once one of the world’s premier educational systems are what we derisively and mockingly call the “True Believers.” What and exactly who are the True Believers? As suggested, they are one of the pivotal reasons for the New York City’s school system’s seemingly irreversible implosion. They are, in fact, insidiously evil, dangerous to the health of our nation, destructive to our very way of life, and hopelessly fucking liberal in attitude and action!

They are saboteurs and can be found at every level of the educational establishment from top to bottom. They may be empty suits at the Department of Education. They may hold positions with the Board of Education. They come in the guise of principals, supervisors, assistant principals, teachers, guidance counselors, and advisors. They have many things in common among which are complete and total ineffectiveness accompanied by utter incompetence. The last effective educational strategy they devised never fucking happened. Any original thought they ever had surely died a death of agonizing loneliness!

They are invariably and proudly ever-so fucking politically correct and feel that all children can succeed, that we are here not to impart knowledge but rather to inflate bruised egos and fragile senses of self-esteem! Two plus two can indeed equal five if it makes little Shaquan feel good about “hisownself!” They insist that all cultures have something to offer and are at least as good if not better than ours.

They take great pride in promoting themselves as “ED-U-CATORS” because these total assholes suffer from a terminal lack of self-esteem and self-worth. It’s beneath them to be thought of as mere and lowly teachers. That’s not grandiose enough and sounds far too mundane. Their highly bloated and distorted opinions of their mental acuity can’t allow that. In truth, most of these near-idiots make true mental midgets (apologies to all idiots and mental midgets out there) appear literally Einsteinesque! Some of these imposters posing as teachers even have their own calling-cards identifying themselves as “Mr. or Ms. Pompous Fucking Asshole: Educator!” How sickenly precious, how disgustingly pretentious! God, these blithering pinheads make me want to retch. There seem to be fewer and fewer of us out here who don’t insist that our profession requires euphemization. We’re just fucking teachers and don’t mind the moniker at all, thank you very much!

The True Believers also share other traits in common. One of the first things you’ll notice is the total absence of any semblance of a sense of humor. They don’t know how to laugh, especially at themselves, because like most people who take themselves ever-so-fucking-seriously, they are crusaders, reformers, and complete pains-in-the-asses!! Don’t ever disagree with them or even hint that their efforts to co-opt a once perfectly sound educational system is not the solution but rather the problem! They will not be able to handle this charge calmly or rationally no matter how true it may be.

Their only response to any form of criticism is to immediately get really loud, noisy, and insulting. They revel in the ad-hominem attack! They will call you such names as Neanderthal, Dinosaur, and a thick-headed uncaring heathen. They’ll accuse you of not caring about the children (thanks a shit-load, President Clinton-fuck!), of a hard-hearted callousness easily rivaling that of Ghengus Khan and Charles Manson combined! They will then accuse you of the ultimate infamy: “You must be some kinda fuckin’ Republican asshole! Get the fuck away from me!!”

They can’t use logic, have no concept of differing points of view, and are intolerant of any theories, facts, or paradigms that differ with their own world view. They will never admit they are wrong even when they know full well that they are. Admitting such a thing would not only invalidate their precious educational theories, it would literally invalidate their very existence! You see, most of them have absolutely no lives outside of the education business. They live it, they breathe it, and are totally consumed by it! Their work lives, their social lives, and their very beings are defined by it. Talk about fucking pathetic! They don’t seem to understand that being all-consumed by one’s profession doesn’t make one a better professional. As with all fanatics in any field of endeavor, they are not merely passionate about what they do – which is fine – they are truly obsessed!

Obsession is not only unhealthy, it is destructive. It leads to a warped and distorted sense of one’s own abilities and importance. It elevates their field above and beyond all others and absolutely precludes any measure of objectivity! They are unable to separate themselves from their endeavors and are completely incapable of sitting back, distancing themselves, and perhaps achieving a calmer perspective. They cannot rationally reflect or evaluate the problems at hand and are therefore unable to realistically assess proposed solutions and look for cracks or imperceptions in their reasoning and logic. They don’t think, but merely emote! They are, indeed, True Believers of the first magnitude!!

Shortly after one Christmas break, a veteran female teacher asked a young colleague if he enjoyed his holiday and did he get to go home? The young man, maybe twenty-five years old, looked extremely serious and ever so-sincere when he replied with a straight face, “You don’t understand. This IS my home!” PUKENESS! UPCHUCK!! DRY HEAVES!!! Just think The Exorcist! I walked by the sorry son of a bitch and muttered that “I’d rather be fucking homeless. I’d prefer a damned park bench!” I didn’t wait for his reply, but heard later that it was rather less than flattering: something about old assholes who should have retired years ago.

Our True Believers are, of course extremely “well-meaning.” They desperately want to improve the system so that the children can succeed; they so much want to make a difference. The problem here is that while they may be well-meaning, they are completely wrong-headed! Well-meaning types who are completely clueless about the problems and possible solutions to our educational morass constitute an absolute recipe for total fucking disaster! To mask their utter incompetence, they resort to buzz words and jargon that only they can understand. It’s somewhat akin to a secret society with its own passwords and insignia recognizable only to the members and no one else. It gives them a sense of purpose, belonging, and superiority. It is we small-minded, cretinous, throw-backs who don’t understand. We are the unenlightened ones standing mulishly in the way of their coming educational utopia!

The True Believer revels in Edu-Speak, a jargon peculiar to the species. Their solutions to such serious problems as truancy or cutting class, for example, involve mind-twisting, bizarre concepts such as, “Socializing Our Intelligence!” What in the fuck does that mean?!? How does one socialize his or her freaking intelligence? Do you perhaps send it to the intelligence play-group where it can mingle with other intelligences and become more well-rounded?!

In order to increase the graduation rates, we’ll adopt “alternative assessment” techniques that focus on “Manipulatives,” “Differentiated Learning,” and “Integrated Instruction,” with an emphasis on “Kinetic versus Visual Learners!” I’m starting to get fucking dizzy here. If you understand and or believe any of the above mentioned bilge, you need to get your fucking head examined! Don’t you get it? It’s gibberish, it’s claptrap, it’s bullshit designed to hide the fact that these fucking idiots have not a clue as to how to solve our educational difficulties! Want improved results on standardized test scores? You got it! We’ll concentrate on “group work, cooperative learning, and multi-tasking!” Would you like to improve the quality and tone of the building? Got it covered! We’ll adopt a more intimate and personalized academic setting for students and staff by abandoning BLC’s and move right on to SLC’s. Hell, I’d rather go straight to the BLT’s! All this screeding is building up a huge appetite: light on the Mayo, please!

We’ll employ “Alternative Modalities, Instructional Support Services, Individualized Learning Styles, Portfolio Assessment,” and various and sundry “Rubrics” to greatly reduce the gang activity and general crime in our inner-city, urban “Educational Centers!” You are all about meaningless symbolism and have not a clue about substance. To all you Edu-Crats, True-Believing Ninnies out there: don’t you even comprehend how terribly weak and pathetic you are? You are no more than a herd of Edu-Sheep following the latest Edu-Trends! It matters not a whit that these “solutions” have absolutely no relationship to the problems confronting us! You assholes just go along with the latest verbal diarrhea, touted by some venal clown who has not seen the inside of a classroom in at least a generation, like a bunch of headless fucking chickens!!

No serious thought, contemplation, or reflection is evident in any of your actions or attitudes. It’s all a flurry of activity, relentless frenetic and frantic motion signifying nothing! I guess we’ll just dazzle ‘em with footwork and hope like Hell we don’t get our damned heads handed to us! Hey, True Believer: modality this, BITCH!! You are the saboteurs that have almost single-handedly morphed an outstanding, world-class educational system into what has become an utter failure, an embarrassment, and a cruel joke! Fuck you very much!!!



Much Luv, Y’all
The Fifth Horseman