THE TRUE BELIEVER RANT

When a nation’s educational system fails, it is a signal that the country is dying. Judging from such pertinent barometers as high school graduation and drop out rates, literacy levels, proficiency in math and science, and at least a passing knowledge of American and World history our nation is not just approaching moribund status, we are totally and completely fucked! Conditions at present are worst in our inner-city, ghetto schools where I’ve spent the better part of the last thirty years.

There are myriad reasons for the failure of our schools, certainly far too many to discuss in a single screed. Suffice it to say that one of the leading culprits responsible in no small measure for destroying what was once one of the world’s premier educational systems are what we derisively and mockingly call the “True Believers.” What and exactly who are the True Believers? As suggested, they are one of the pivotal reasons for the New York City’s school system’s seemingly irreversible implosion. They are, in fact, insidiously evil, dangerous to the health of our nation, destructive to our very way of life, and hopelessly fucking liberal in attitude and action!

They are saboteurs and can be found at every level of the educational establishment from top to bottom. They may be empty suits at the Department of Education. They may hold positions with the Board of Education. They come in the guise of principals, supervisors, assistant principals, teachers, guidance counselors, and advisors. They have many things in common among which are complete and total ineffectiveness accompanied by utter incompetence. The last effective educational strategy they devised never fucking happened. Any original thought they ever had surely died a death of agonizing loneliness!

They are invariably and proudly ever-so fucking politically correct and feel that all children can succeed, that we are here not to impart knowledge but rather to inflate bruised egos and fragile senses of self-esteem! Two plus two can indeed equal five if it makes little Shaquan feel good about “hisownself!” They insist that all cultures have something to offer and are at least as good if not better than ours.

They take great pride in promoting themselves as “ED-U-CATORS” because these total assholes suffer from a terminal lack of self-esteem and self-worth. It’s beneath them to be thought of as mere and lowly teachers. That’s not grandiose enough and sounds far too mundane. Their highly bloated and distorted opinions of their mental acuity can’t allow that. In truth, most of these near-idiots make true mental midgets (apologies to all idiots and mental midgets out there) appear literally Einsteinesque! Some of these imposters posing as teachers even have their own calling-cards identifying themselves as “Mr. or Ms. Pompous Fucking Asshole: Educator!” How sickenly precious, how disgustingly pretentious! God, these blithering pinheads make me want to retch. There seem to be fewer and fewer of us out here who don’t insist that our profession requires euphemization. We’re just fucking teachers and don’t mind the moniker at all, thank you very much!

The True Believers also share other traits in common. One of the first things you’ll notice is the total absence of any semblance of a sense of humor. They don’t know how to laugh, especially at themselves, because like most people who take themselves ever-so-fucking-seriously, they are crusaders, reformers, and complete pains-in-the-asses!! Don’t ever disagree with them or even hint that their efforts to co-opt a once perfectly sound educational system is not the solution but rather the problem! They will not be able to handle this charge calmly or rationally no matter how true it may be.

Their only response to any form of criticism is to immediately get really loud, noisy, and insulting. They revel in the ad-hominem attack! They will call you such names as Neanderthal, Dinosaur, and a thick-headed uncaring heathen. They’ll accuse you of not caring about the children (thanks a shit-load, President Clinton-fuck!), of a hard-hearted callousness easily rivaling that of Ghengus Khan and Charles Manson combined! They will then accuse you of the ultimate infamy: “You must be some kinda fuckin’ Republican asshole! Get the fuck away from me!!”

They can’t use logic, have no concept of differing points of view, and are intolerant of any theories, facts, or paradigms that differ with their own world view. They will never admit they are wrong even when they know full well that they are. Admitting such a thing would not only invalidate their precious educational theories, it would literally invalidate their very existence! You see, most of them have absolutely no lives outside of the education business. They live it, they breathe it, and are totally consumed by it! Their work lives, their social lives, and their very beings are defined by it. Talk about fucking pathetic! They don’t seem to understand that being all-consumed by one’s profession doesn’t make one a better professional. As with all fanatics in any field of endeavor, they are not merely passionate about what they do – which is fine – they are truly obsessed!

Obsession is not only unhealthy, it is destructive. It leads to a warped and distorted sense of one’s own abilities and importance. It elevates their field above and beyond all others and absolutely precludes any measure of objectivity! They are unable to separate themselves from their endeavors and are completely incapable of sitting back, distancing themselves, and perhaps achieving a calmer perspective. They cannot rationally reflect or evaluate the problems at hand and are therefore unable to realistically assess proposed solutions and look for cracks or imperceptions in their reasoning and logic. They don’t think, but merely emote! They are, indeed, True Believers of the first magnitude!!

Shortly after one Christmas break, a veteran female teacher asked a young colleague if he enjoyed his holiday and did he get to go home? The young man, maybe twenty-five years old, looked extremely serious and ever so-sincere when he replied with a straight face, “You don’t understand. This IS my home!” PUKENESS! UPCHUCK!! DRY HEAVES!!! Just think The Exorcist! I walked by the sorry son of a bitch and muttered that “I’d rather be fucking homeless. I’d prefer a damned park bench!” I didn’t wait for his reply, but heard later that it was rather less than flattering: something about old assholes who should have retired years ago.

Our True Believers are, of course extremely “well-meaning.” They desperately want to improve the system so that the children can succeed; they so much want to make a difference. The problem here is that while they may be well-meaning, they are completely wrong-headed! Well-meaning types who are completely clueless about the problems and possible solutions to our educational morass constitute an absolute recipe for total fucking disaster! To mask their utter incompetence, they resort to buzz words and jargon that only they can understand. It’s somewhat akin to a secret society with its own passwords and insignia recognizable only to the members and no one else. It gives them a sense of purpose, belonging, and superiority. It is we small-minded, cretinous, throw-backs who don’t understand. We are the unenlightened ones standing mulishly in the way of their coming educational utopia!

The True Believer revels in Edu-Speak, a jargon peculiar to the species. Their solutions to such serious problems as truancy or cutting class, for example, involve mind-twisting, bizarre concepts such as, “Socializing Our Intelligence!” What in the fuck does that mean?!? How does one socialize his or her freaking intelligence? Do you perhaps send it to the intelligence play-group where it can mingle with other intelligences and become more well-rounded?!

In order to increase the graduation rates, we’ll adopt “alternative assessment” techniques that focus on “Manipulatives,” “Differentiated Learning,” and “Integrated Instruction,” with an emphasis on “Kinetic versus Visual Learners!” I’m starting to get fucking dizzy here. If you understand and or believe any of the above mentioned bilge, you need to get your fucking head examined! Don’t you get it? It’s gibberish, it’s claptrap, it’s bullshit designed to hide the fact that these fucking idiots have not a clue as to how to solve our educational difficulties! Want improved results on standardized test scores? You got it! We’ll concentrate on “group work, cooperative learning, and multi-tasking!” Would you like to improve the quality and tone of the building? Got it covered! We’ll adopt a more intimate and personalized academic setting for students and staff by abandoning BLC’s and move right on to SLC’s. Hell, I’d rather go straight to the BLT’s! All this screeding is building up a huge appetite: light on the Mayo, please!

We’ll employ “Alternative Modalities, Instructional Support Services, Individualized Learning Styles, Portfolio Assessment,” and various and sundry “Rubrics” to greatly reduce the gang activity and general crime in our inner-city, urban “Educational Centers!” You are all about meaningless symbolism and have not a clue about substance. To all you Edu-Crats, True-Believing Ninnies out there: don’t you even comprehend how terribly weak and pathetic you are? You are no more than a herd of Edu-Sheep following the latest Edu-Trends! It matters not a whit that these “solutions” have absolutely no relationship to the problems confronting us! You assholes just go along with the latest verbal diarrhea, touted by some venal clown who has not seen the inside of a classroom in at least a generation, like a bunch of headless fucking chickens!!

No serious thought, contemplation, or reflection is evident in any of your actions or attitudes. It’s all a flurry of activity, relentless frenetic and frantic motion signifying nothing! I guess we’ll just dazzle ‘em with footwork and hope like Hell we don’t get our damned heads handed to us! Hey, True Believer: modality this, BITCH!! You are the saboteurs that have almost single-handedly morphed an outstanding, world-class educational system into what has become an utter failure, an embarrassment, and a cruel joke! Fuck you very much!!!



Much Luv, Y’all
The Fifth Horseman

THE EDU-SCAM RANT

Smaller schools and smaller classrooms seem to be the latest educational rage among those great thinkers who control New York City’s school system. In their latest frantic attempt to look busy and justify salaries that hover around the $200,000 range, they proclaim, “SMALL IS IN – BIG IS OUT,” and voila, our city’s failing public education system will miraculously be removed from life support and become once again vibrant, healthy, and successful! The Panacea’s the Thing!! For those of us who’ve been around for a while, we know it’s all just bullshit and bombast.

New York City’s educational woes, as with all large urban centers, will not be corrected by any patch-work fix that doesn’t address underlying causes. The current obsession with “smallness” will also be relegated to the ash heap of failed, ill-conceived, and ludicrous solutions that haven’t got a virgin’s chance in a whorehouse of succeeding! We’ll break up the large, all-inclusive, comprehensive school model and in a facility designed to hold between three to five thousand students, we’ll designate four smaller schools. Each school will have its own space within the larger building and each will have its own name and educational mission. As I understand it, the optimum size for each “mini-school” will be about five hundred students, give or take.

We’ll give each of them a name that will include some grandiose reference to “an Academy of…”, or the “Regional something school of…”, or perhaps the “International Preparatory whatever….” Change is not necessarily a bad thing, but change merely for the sake of change usually indicates that panic is taking hold and that virtually no one in charge of fixing the problem has any fucking idea of what is really broken!

How is this smaller school “modality” – a little Edu-Speak for the uninitiated – going to help Tyreek who at nineteen years of age has enough credits to be a sophomore? How will Hector benefit from this smaller, more intimate atmosphere when as a junior he reads and writes no better than a half-bright fifth-grader? How about Nyasia who at sixteen is only weeks away from birthing her second welfare bastard? I’m sure this new school paradigm will instill in her the necessity of keeping her legs tightly clamped together at all times, right? Give me a fucking break! Can we all say boondoggle?

Let us examine a few of these new scams, uh – I mean schools. How about the High School of World Culture located in the Bronx? Doesn’t that sound wonderfully all-inclusive, so very global in scope, and so very, nay, so profoundly fucking liberal?! The mission of this facility apparently “places a strong emphasis on an enhanced standardized and interdisciplinary curriculum.” It will build on the students’ “very rich identity and cultural beliefs which will prepare them to be successful in this global society.” How very one-worldish! I wish I knew what the fuck it means. What rich identity are they talking about: the ghetto culture of Bushwick or East New York’s long-held tradition of ritual drive-by shootings? What are these cultural beliefs they hold so dear? Sounds like Edu-Speak to me: the words have absolutely no meaning, no basis in reality, but they sure sound good!

Let’s keep going. We’ll take a look at the Peace and Diversity Academy, also located in the Bronx. This mob wants their graduates “to build an increasingly just and democratic global society.” Additionally – get ready for this – the aforementioned goal will be accomplished by “promoting excellence, developing critical thinkers, modeling an inclusive and democratic community which engages all families, educators and partners, fostering anti-bias attitudes, inspiring social justice and peace activism, building student and teacher skills in active communication, conflict resolution, mediation, diplomacy and human rights leadership.” Whatever shit head wrote this bilge obviously failed English grammar in high school. Finally, “graduates of Peace and Diversity Academy will be leaders who build bridges of intercultural understanding across all levels of human diversity.”

Holy Mother of God, we’re all fucking doomed!! I mean Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, you both better get the fuck out of this steamroller’s way. These folks sound like they’re far more effective race-hustlers than either of you could ever hope to be! I guess some evil, conservative, war-mongering asshole like me shouldn’t even bother applying for a position at good old Peace and Diversity, but I’ll bet the interview would be a fucking hoot!

Neither example examined thus far seems to have anything whatever to do with educating students and producing productive American citizens. They do, however, sound very much like propaganda mills whose main “mission” is to brainwash their captives into embracing an all-consuming, liberal, one-world mind-set. What this has to do with education is far too visionary for some simple-minded old fuck like me to grasp. I’m still hung up on such mundane, even archaic, concerns as how will Sequeya be able to find employment after graduating from this wonderfully enlightened institution? Will diversity, multi-culturalism, peace & love help Yudishtir read on grade level or inspire Nefertiti to excel on her SAT’s so that attending college is more than just a foolish pipe-dream and a false hope?

At the Freedom Academy High School we learn that it provides “students with comprehensive educational and support programs,” and more importantly reinforces “life skills: caring, concern, respect, trust, tolerance, civic responsibility, team spirit and family values.” What a load of happy horseshit! The Freedom Academy’s mission statement, however, does provide us with one invaluable service. It accurately and succinctly illustrates one of the main reasons why our school system is failing and why this New Age Educational Bullshit cannot possibly succeed! This “Academy” emphasizes such societal building blocks as caring, concern, tolerance, civic responsibility, etc.

When did the vast majority of us first learn about such things as family values, civic responsibility, respect, and trust? Exactly!! We learned these core principles from our parents – note the plural – in our homes. They taught us these attributes in both word and deed. They lived them and we learned by example! We did not learn them in some fucking “academy” taught to us by total assholes we didn’t know! This was when, of course, New York’s family structure was still strong and vigorous. This was before fathers all but disappeared, before mothers gave birth at fourteen, and when parents got married and THEN had children! This was a period when adults raised children. Now we see children raising children.

If your parents taught you how to read and write at home before you ever showed up at school, as used to be the norm, the odds of succeeding were greatly in your favor. Any child who begins his or her educational career and cannot read or write is virtually guaranteed to be grade levels behind by the time they have completed their first decade on the planet! No amount of educational sleight of hand can replace a stable, two-parent household. When the family structure falls apart, breaks down, and is destroyed then so too is the nation! This country is literally dying and current educational trends, fads, and bullshit are merely hastening its demise! Strong families and values lead to strong countries and values. Without them, nothing survives!!

Let’s continue. We learn that at the High School for Civil Rights, “students will be empowered to exercise their civil liberties and become active in their own community.” How very nice for them. Will they master the fine art of the sit-down strike and learn how to chant in unison as well? The mission statement continues that “our school will develop young people who are aware of historical and current civil rights issues that affect them and their communities and will offer opportunities to become engaged in community activism.” I can’t help but wondering if a possible graduation requirement is getting arrested for committing an act of civil disobedience in, of course, a nonviolent fashion?

Education throughout the millennia has prepared the younger generations to lead productive lives as adults. It seems that the High School for Civil Rights is training community racists, I – uh mean, community “activists!” How is empowering Tinaja going to keep her off the welfare rolls? How will “activating” Dashawn keep his sorry ass out of jail? How will all this silly-shit instill a work ethic in Shontasha? These things cannot and have not happened because of the breakdown of the American family. Our current blind attempts to revive a dying school system are somewhat akin to putting a band-aid on a fucking blast from a Remington 12 gauge pump-action shot gun! It ain’t fucking happening!!

At the School for International Studies, we are informed that the aim is “to integrate the diversity of our city and world community into all aspects of our students’ learning experiences. We emphasize cultural awareness across the disciplines.” I’ll tell ya, I’m going to sleep better at night knowing that my tax dollars are going toward making Naquan culturally fucking aware! Additionally, “students leave our school as socially conscious leaders, equipped with intellectual tools, academic and critical thinking skills necessary to make meaningful change in today’s dynamic interdependent world. We have a carefully selected team of teachers dedicated to the exploration of diversity, tolerance, and harmony.” This is mind-boggling in its asininity, it is loathsome, and is symptomatic of just how far we have fallen when a mere half-century ago, New York City’s public school system was literally one of the finest in the world!

At the International Leadership Charter School, all students will graduate with “leadership skills and a deep understanding of the social, economic and political issues that affect their daily lives, as well as a commitment to community development, social action and participation in the global society.” The Leadership Institute provides “students with the skills they need to take action in their communities,” while “a focus on social justice helps students understand their rights in a fair, democratic society.” The Urban Assembly Academy for History and Citizenship for Young Men explains that, “Through rite of passage experiences, historical examination and reflection our scholars will become college-bound, family and community leaders concerned for the rights and welfare of others.”

Enough! I can’t keep doing this. My eyes are crossing and my head is pounding as though I’d just been on the receiving end of a good, old- fashioned Brooklyn stomping! If these mini-schools, these small-learning communities, these charter schools are indeed the future of education in America, then in no more than half-a-century the United States will become a bona fide member of the Third World Nations Club! These are not schools, but merely feel-good centers designed to boost self-image, assuage bruised egos, and revive near moribund senses of self-esteem!! They are employment centers for failed liberal teachers who could not compete in a traditional school atmosphere. They are designed to promote anti-Americanism and glorify globalism and one-worldism. They are the brain-dead children of educational hucksters and snake-oil salesmen and they constitute yet one more nail in America’s coffin!!

Hey, I’ve got an idea – it happens occasionally! How about we create just one more “alternative” school, but this time with a slight twist? This school will be centered around the greatness and contributions of the United States of America! What to call it, what to name it? How about the High School for American Values, Culture, and Exceptionalism?!? Students will utterly master math, science, and economics. Only American history will be taught and English will be the only language spoken! Only students coming from stable, two-parent families who can prove they are American citizens will be admitted. They must have no arrest or discipline records of any kind. Each day will start by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and the singing of our National Anthem, while students and staff stand respectfully with hands-on-heart.

The school uniform will feature American patriotic symbols and will display a love of country! The overriding theme imbued throughout the curriculum will be the greatness of the United States of America. Students will learn that it is Western Civilization and more specifically its American strain that is responsible for virtually all the progress made during the last 250 or so years. No student can graduate without passing a rigorous four-year course of study in American patriotism!

Students will learn that whenever and wherever the world needs help, it calls on us and we always respond with both lives and treasure. The children will further be taught that the world is jealous, envious, and back-biting and that no matter how much the world needs us, it nonetheless thoroughly despises us! The United Nations will never be mentioned except in derogatory terms under the pain of a thirty-day suspension for the first offense! Our school mascot will be the American Bald Eagle and all sports teams, clubs, organizations, etc., will be named the “American High School Jingoists!” How’s that for a fucking charter school, Numb-Nuts?!?


Y’all have a really great day!

The Fifth Horseman