THE EDU-SCAM RANT

Smaller schools and smaller classrooms seem to be the latest educational rage among those great thinkers who control New York City’s school system. In their latest frantic attempt to look busy and justify salaries that hover around the $200,000 range, they proclaim, “SMALL IS IN – BIG IS OUT,” and voila, our city’s failing public education system will miraculously be removed from life support and become once again vibrant, healthy, and successful! The Panacea’s the Thing!! For those of us who’ve been around for a while, we know it’s all just bullshit and bombast.

New York City’s educational woes, as with all large urban centers, will not be corrected by any patch-work fix that doesn’t address underlying causes. The current obsession with “smallness” will also be relegated to the ash heap of failed, ill-conceived, and ludicrous solutions that haven’t got a virgin’s chance in a whorehouse of succeeding! We’ll break up the large, all-inclusive, comprehensive school model and in a facility designed to hold between three to five thousand students, we’ll designate four smaller schools. Each school will have its own space within the larger building and each will have its own name and educational mission. As I understand it, the optimum size for each “mini-school” will be about five hundred students, give or take.

We’ll give each of them a name that will include some grandiose reference to “an Academy of…”, or the “Regional something school of…”, or perhaps the “International Preparatory whatever….” Change is not necessarily a bad thing, but change merely for the sake of change usually indicates that panic is taking hold and that virtually no one in charge of fixing the problem has any fucking idea of what is really broken!

How is this smaller school “modality” – a little Edu-Speak for the uninitiated – going to help Tyreek who at nineteen years of age has enough credits to be a sophomore? How will Hector benefit from this smaller, more intimate atmosphere when as a junior he reads and writes no better than a half-bright fifth-grader? How about Nyasia who at sixteen is only weeks away from birthing her second welfare bastard? I’m sure this new school paradigm will instill in her the necessity of keeping her legs tightly clamped together at all times, right? Give me a fucking break! Can we all say boondoggle?

Let us examine a few of these new scams, uh – I mean schools. How about the High School of World Culture located in the Bronx? Doesn’t that sound wonderfully all-inclusive, so very global in scope, and so very, nay, so profoundly fucking liberal?! The mission of this facility apparently “places a strong emphasis on an enhanced standardized and interdisciplinary curriculum.” It will build on the students’ “very rich identity and cultural beliefs which will prepare them to be successful in this global society.” How very one-worldish! I wish I knew what the fuck it means. What rich identity are they talking about: the ghetto culture of Bushwick or East New York’s long-held tradition of ritual drive-by shootings? What are these cultural beliefs they hold so dear? Sounds like Edu-Speak to me: the words have absolutely no meaning, no basis in reality, but they sure sound good!

Let’s keep going. We’ll take a look at the Peace and Diversity Academy, also located in the Bronx. This mob wants their graduates “to build an increasingly just and democratic global society.” Additionally – get ready for this – the aforementioned goal will be accomplished by “promoting excellence, developing critical thinkers, modeling an inclusive and democratic community which engages all families, educators and partners, fostering anti-bias attitudes, inspiring social justice and peace activism, building student and teacher skills in active communication, conflict resolution, mediation, diplomacy and human rights leadership.” Whatever shit head wrote this bilge obviously failed English grammar in high school. Finally, “graduates of Peace and Diversity Academy will be leaders who build bridges of intercultural understanding across all levels of human diversity.”

Holy Mother of God, we’re all fucking doomed!! I mean Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, you both better get the fuck out of this steamroller’s way. These folks sound like they’re far more effective race-hustlers than either of you could ever hope to be! I guess some evil, conservative, war-mongering asshole like me shouldn’t even bother applying for a position at good old Peace and Diversity, but I’ll bet the interview would be a fucking hoot!

Neither example examined thus far seems to have anything whatever to do with educating students and producing productive American citizens. They do, however, sound very much like propaganda mills whose main “mission” is to brainwash their captives into embracing an all-consuming, liberal, one-world mind-set. What this has to do with education is far too visionary for some simple-minded old fuck like me to grasp. I’m still hung up on such mundane, even archaic, concerns as how will Sequeya be able to find employment after graduating from this wonderfully enlightened institution? Will diversity, multi-culturalism, peace & love help Yudishtir read on grade level or inspire Nefertiti to excel on her SAT’s so that attending college is more than just a foolish pipe-dream and a false hope?

At the Freedom Academy High School we learn that it provides “students with comprehensive educational and support programs,” and more importantly reinforces “life skills: caring, concern, respect, trust, tolerance, civic responsibility, team spirit and family values.” What a load of happy horseshit! The Freedom Academy’s mission statement, however, does provide us with one invaluable service. It accurately and succinctly illustrates one of the main reasons why our school system is failing and why this New Age Educational Bullshit cannot possibly succeed! This “Academy” emphasizes such societal building blocks as caring, concern, tolerance, civic responsibility, etc.

When did the vast majority of us first learn about such things as family values, civic responsibility, respect, and trust? Exactly!! We learned these core principles from our parents – note the plural – in our homes. They taught us these attributes in both word and deed. They lived them and we learned by example! We did not learn them in some fucking “academy” taught to us by total assholes we didn’t know! This was when, of course, New York’s family structure was still strong and vigorous. This was before fathers all but disappeared, before mothers gave birth at fourteen, and when parents got married and THEN had children! This was a period when adults raised children. Now we see children raising children.

If your parents taught you how to read and write at home before you ever showed up at school, as used to be the norm, the odds of succeeding were greatly in your favor. Any child who begins his or her educational career and cannot read or write is virtually guaranteed to be grade levels behind by the time they have completed their first decade on the planet! No amount of educational sleight of hand can replace a stable, two-parent household. When the family structure falls apart, breaks down, and is destroyed then so too is the nation! This country is literally dying and current educational trends, fads, and bullshit are merely hastening its demise! Strong families and values lead to strong countries and values. Without them, nothing survives!!

Let’s continue. We learn that at the High School for Civil Rights, “students will be empowered to exercise their civil liberties and become active in their own community.” How very nice for them. Will they master the fine art of the sit-down strike and learn how to chant in unison as well? The mission statement continues that “our school will develop young people who are aware of historical and current civil rights issues that affect them and their communities and will offer opportunities to become engaged in community activism.” I can’t help but wondering if a possible graduation requirement is getting arrested for committing an act of civil disobedience in, of course, a nonviolent fashion?

Education throughout the millennia has prepared the younger generations to lead productive lives as adults. It seems that the High School for Civil Rights is training community racists, I – uh mean, community “activists!” How is empowering Tinaja going to keep her off the welfare rolls? How will “activating” Dashawn keep his sorry ass out of jail? How will all this silly-shit instill a work ethic in Shontasha? These things cannot and have not happened because of the breakdown of the American family. Our current blind attempts to revive a dying school system are somewhat akin to putting a band-aid on a fucking blast from a Remington 12 gauge pump-action shot gun! It ain’t fucking happening!!

At the School for International Studies, we are informed that the aim is “to integrate the diversity of our city and world community into all aspects of our students’ learning experiences. We emphasize cultural awareness across the disciplines.” I’ll tell ya, I’m going to sleep better at night knowing that my tax dollars are going toward making Naquan culturally fucking aware! Additionally, “students leave our school as socially conscious leaders, equipped with intellectual tools, academic and critical thinking skills necessary to make meaningful change in today’s dynamic interdependent world. We have a carefully selected team of teachers dedicated to the exploration of diversity, tolerance, and harmony.” This is mind-boggling in its asininity, it is loathsome, and is symptomatic of just how far we have fallen when a mere half-century ago, New York City’s public school system was literally one of the finest in the world!

At the International Leadership Charter School, all students will graduate with “leadership skills and a deep understanding of the social, economic and political issues that affect their daily lives, as well as a commitment to community development, social action and participation in the global society.” The Leadership Institute provides “students with the skills they need to take action in their communities,” while “a focus on social justice helps students understand their rights in a fair, democratic society.” The Urban Assembly Academy for History and Citizenship for Young Men explains that, “Through rite of passage experiences, historical examination and reflection our scholars will become college-bound, family and community leaders concerned for the rights and welfare of others.”

Enough! I can’t keep doing this. My eyes are crossing and my head is pounding as though I’d just been on the receiving end of a good, old- fashioned Brooklyn stomping! If these mini-schools, these small-learning communities, these charter schools are indeed the future of education in America, then in no more than half-a-century the United States will become a bona fide member of the Third World Nations Club! These are not schools, but merely feel-good centers designed to boost self-image, assuage bruised egos, and revive near moribund senses of self-esteem!! They are employment centers for failed liberal teachers who could not compete in a traditional school atmosphere. They are designed to promote anti-Americanism and glorify globalism and one-worldism. They are the brain-dead children of educational hucksters and snake-oil salesmen and they constitute yet one more nail in America’s coffin!!

Hey, I’ve got an idea – it happens occasionally! How about we create just one more “alternative” school, but this time with a slight twist? This school will be centered around the greatness and contributions of the United States of America! What to call it, what to name it? How about the High School for American Values, Culture, and Exceptionalism?!? Students will utterly master math, science, and economics. Only American history will be taught and English will be the only language spoken! Only students coming from stable, two-parent families who can prove they are American citizens will be admitted. They must have no arrest or discipline records of any kind. Each day will start by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and the singing of our National Anthem, while students and staff stand respectfully with hands-on-heart.

The school uniform will feature American patriotic symbols and will display a love of country! The overriding theme imbued throughout the curriculum will be the greatness of the United States of America. Students will learn that it is Western Civilization and more specifically its American strain that is responsible for virtually all the progress made during the last 250 or so years. No student can graduate without passing a rigorous four-year course of study in American patriotism!

Students will learn that whenever and wherever the world needs help, it calls on us and we always respond with both lives and treasure. The children will further be taught that the world is jealous, envious, and back-biting and that no matter how much the world needs us, it nonetheless thoroughly despises us! The United Nations will never be mentioned except in derogatory terms under the pain of a thirty-day suspension for the first offense! Our school mascot will be the American Bald Eagle and all sports teams, clubs, organizations, etc., will be named the “American High School Jingoists!” How’s that for a fucking charter school, Numb-Nuts?!?


Y’all have a really great day!

The Fifth Horseman