THE NONPROFESSION PROFESSION RANT

When I retire from teaching in the not too distant future, I’ll have completed around thirty years of service in this so-called “profession.” To compare teaching to any actual, bona fide profession is to insult, deride, and mock all true professions and professionals. Both implicit and explicit in any legitimate profession are the concepts of rigorous, stringent, demanding, and ever higher standards of excellence. Members of such professions are not merely expected to meet said standards but rather to continually raise the bar and exceed whatever benchmarks have been set. This, of course, serves to weed out the unworthy and improve the quality of the entire group. It is not unlike the old concept of Social Darwinism wherein only the strongest survive and natural selection is deemed a positive force.

As I look back over the last quarter-century or so, I cannot help but conclude that teaching does not deserve the noble moniker of profession and that, sadly, the vast majority of pedagogues I have encountered can’t honestly be deemed professionals. There seems to be virtually no real or meaningful standards anymore and those that do exist can by no stretch of even the most vividly fertile imagination be deemed, high, stringent, rigorous, or demanding. Terms like the latter when used in conjunction with the word teaching are nothing more or less than oxymoronic. Teaching can no longer be called a true profession and most of those in the field do not qualify as professionals but validate the old adage that, “Those Who Can’t Do – Teach.”

If these sentiments sound just a tad jaded, jaundiced, and cynical they are easily borne out by even the most cursory examination of any large urban public school system any where in the country. What passes for educational systems in New York, L.A., Chicago, Detroit, New Orleans or any other metropolis are all going straight to Hell in the proverbial hand basket. Everything and anything from the quality of the students, to graduation and literacy rates, the results of standardized tests, and the ability of our school children to compete with those from other western, industrialized nations has fallen not just dramatically but precipitously. It should come as no surprise then that the quality of teaching and teachers has followed suit. The logic here is inescapable and the results do not bode well for the future of America. It seems that we are literally careening toward third world nationhood and the process appears irreversible.

Years ago, for example, there used to be an accepted although unwritten dress code for those involved in public education. Males wore pressed slacks, shirts, and ties. Shoes, unscuffed and polished, completed the ensemble. Women wore dresses or a coordinated skirt and blouse with leather flats or pumps. The staff did not only look professional but behaved in a distinctly professional manner toward students as well as one another. The attire definitely helped set the tone for the entire building. Think of the difference in your behavior when you and your buddies are watching the NFL on Sundays whilst swilling “brewskies” and compare it to your comportment when attending a formal black tie affair sipping fine champagne. There is more than just a little truth to the axiom that the clothes do indeed make the man.

That’s all gone today and has been for many years. Worn, torn, and ragged jeans are deemed perfectly acceptable and anyone who thinks differently is viewed as merely an ancient relic of a bygone era who has long outlived his usefulness. Shirts are never pressed and many need to see the inside of a washing machine far more frequently while the sneakers you painted your living room in are deemed suitable foot gear. That three or four day old stubble is considered fashionably sheek in a Yasir Arafat kinda’ way. These people seem to take no pride in their appearance and this Old Fart translates that into a lack of pride in what they do for a living. Can you imagine showing up at the law or accounting firm similarly attired? If your physician took no pride in his appearance are you sure you’d be willing to trust him with your health?

Slothful appearances do, it seems, foster slothful attitudes and outcomes. When allowed to persist, slovenly habits and individuals infect the work place causing all manner of unproductive and deleterious results. One of the central causes of attitudes that encourage lackadaisical performance and leads to anything but productivity and improvement is this thing we call tenure. Tenure is an absolute and utter guarantee that the overwhelming numbers of these folks who become teachers will at the very most achieve barely mediocre levels of performance and results. Those who constitute the real slackers, the utterly incompetent, and the truly pathetic make those who have managed to achieve full blown mediocrity appear to be masters at their craft when, in fact, they are at best only slightly more competent.

Tenure virtually guarantees no consequences for incompetence, is an almost 100% assurance of unwarranted life time job security, and utterly decimates and destroys the concept of excellence. Certainly, there are some excellent teachers out there but they are very few and very, very far between. These folks are self-starters, driven to produce far more than is expected or even required, and would do well in any filed of endeavor they chose. The rest of the “shlubs” could literally make it nowhere else save in this protected, molly-coddled, no standard culture that we call education. The private sector would chew these boobies up and spit them out quicker than flies can find shit! Further, the institution of tenure by definition totally obviates and negates any necessity for competition which has been the key to excellence in any avocation you can possibly think of. Competition breeds creativity, improvement, innovation, and advancement regardless of where it is applied. You name the field and competition, the drive to be better than others coupled with a need to excel has been a major factor in making this nation God’s greatest gift to mankind.

Conversely, a lack of competition by its very nature inevitably leads to complacency, lethargy, falling standards, and a general malaise that is absolutely infectious. Teaching is without doubt the least competitive avocation out there and teachers are literally held in utter contempt by all those millions who must on a daily basis compete in order to pay the bills, put food on the table, and keep roof overhead. After three years of satisfactory ratings on the annual performance observations, the new teacher has achieved the coveted tenure status. It’s quite telling that virtually no New York City teacher is ever refused tenure after that initial probationary period. I believe that this in and of itself speaks volumes regarding the standards, or lack thereof, in the teaching “profession.” I wonder how many in the medical or architectural field, for example, are guaranteed becoming full-time, permanent club members?

While on probation most of the “newbies” will almost never do less than is expected or required but rarely will they do more. Once having received “T” status, however, that all too often abruptly changes for the fear factor is gone. They no longer have to concern themselves with job security, health benefits, advancement, or any other damned thing. They know that it is now virtually impossible for management to get rid of them because, among other reasons, the union exists in large measure to defend the utterly incompetent, the completely unworthy, and the painfully useless. More often than not, these types may get transferred to another school but they remain in the system for decades, unpenalized for their total lack of competence, until it is time to retire on what is a very respectable pension. Trying to actually fire a tenured teacher for incompetence is somewhat akin to attempting to successfully piss up a rope: it’s extremely messy; it’s never effective; and is not nearly worth the effort. I’ve known folks who were granted tenure ten, fifteen, and twenty years ago and have literally never done a decent day’s work since. They hang on waiting to retire, are completely unproductive, and constitute the biggest class of whiners and complainers on the planet. It occurs to me – but never to the losers – that those of us who feed at the public trough (you know, get paid with tax dollars) should be held to at least the same standards as those in the private sector. Perhaps even higher, because when tenured teachers go bad they are literally stealing as in taking the money and not doing a damned thing to earn it.

I wonder why lawyers, doctors, architects, roofers, plumbers, electricians, and so many more don’t have this thing called tenure? These folks are not observed by their superiors merely once or twice a year but rather on a daily basis. Their performance and productivity are constantly monitored and goals and standards are continually raised. Mediocrity will simply not suffice and excellence is the ultimate end. In the private sector being merely okay could literally mean going merely out of business, shutting the doors, kaput. In the real world striving to attain mediocrity is akin to Superman coming into contact with too large a dose of Kryptonite: it’s always fatal. If you work for the law firm you are competing not only with the other firms in town, but with every attorney in your own outfit. Those that compete more effectively and efficiently – as in increasing the number of billable hours – rise the fastest, get the perks, move into the larger offices, and make the bigger bucks and bonuses.

Those that can’t keep up never move up or they simply don’t survive. Lack of productivity translates into lack of employment. In this milieu, a fast rising star can become an even faster falling one if the numbers go south or if some new hotshot is brought on board. You must constantly seek and obtain better results and keep raising that bar. This is true of literally all fields and professions in the private sector. It’s called put up or shut up.

This is not exactly the case in the wonderful world of pedagogy. Anything beyond mediocrity is highly suspect and those who attempt to succeed at doing excellent work are mistrusted by their colleagues. Since there are no additional rewards for additional time and effort the losers can’t quite comprehend an individual who bothers to outperform his peers and that speaks volumes about the losers.

Most professions stay current with the newest and latest trends and technology so as not to become archaic and irrelevant as advances are constantly being made and must be kept up with. Not to do so is to invite disaster for the profession and just as importantly for the professionals therein. It is an absolute requirement for survival in the 21st century and that’s as it should be. So too in teaching, but like so much else in this field upon closer examination it is merely symbolism over substance, well meaning and sounding catch phrases and noise signifying nothing: pap; hooey: and horseshit! Let’s look at some of the offerings brought to us by an outfit called the Teacher Education Institute for the 2009 academic year. These courses are designed to help newer teachers move up the pay differentials and keep the veterans up to snuff: wouldn’t want us Old Bastards to fall behind, now would we?

Let’s see, how about we look into BP: EDC 660, “Bully Prevention in Schools,” where educators can learn to, “create a safe climate for all students.” Yeah, it sounds pretty much like what it is and by the conclusion of the class the teacher will have learned, “to identify various types of bullying, develop awareness of consequences of bullying, and learn proven strategies for preventing and eliminating bullying.” When I was in school about a millennium ago we had bullies too. This is not exactly a new phenomenon and there were no course offerings to train anyone to deal with the problem. If you couldn’t take the piece of shit down by yourself, then you and four buddies jumped his sorry ass and beat the living shit out of him until he understood that the whole bully thing just wasn’t worth the freaking pain. Just try to suggest this method of problem solving today and at the very least your silly butt will be sued by some liberal outfit like the ACLU!

Oh, here’s another beauty. CEC:EDC 689. Entitled, “Character Education in the Classroom,” it threatens to, “Develop moral and ethical behavior in students,” while exploring, “theories of moral development.” This is so patently ridiculous and pathetically lame that it defies all logic and common sense. The only place that young folks can effectively learn such things as moral and ethical behavior is in the home as taught by the PARENTS, and please note the emphasis on the plural. Given the state of the American family in the 21st century, however, morality and ethics – like our school systems – are headed for the crapper (the state of said family will be the topics of separate rants)!

Are you following this shit, Skippy? Courses like these are nothing more than boondoggles perpetuated by the Edu-Scam Hucksters in their ever present mission to self-aggrandize and further entrench themselves even deeper into our current educational morass. They will in no way, however, make anyone a better professional nor will they do anything to elevate what passes for standards in the profession as a whole. Let’s examine a few more of these courses and discover what additional Bullshit & Bombast is being passed off as sound educational practice and theory.

Well, here’s EPE: EDC 690, the “Effects of Poverty on Education,” in which we’ll be able to, “gain an understanding of the influence of poverty on academic achievement,” and, “overcome the influence of poverty.” Well then, there you have it. Whoever these Putzes are, they must have discovered something that LBJ missed when he declared his bullshit War on Poverty way back during the wild and wooly ‘sixties. There is only one way that I know of to overcome the “influence” of poverty and that would be to get educated, start working young, and keep the fuck at it! How about that for genius, Numb-Nuts? Additionally, we will be instructed on how to create, “a minimal, error-free instructional system to teach disadvantaged students.” This last reeks of such utter condescension and pretentiousness that it can come only from the mind of one of our true liberal elites. Are they saying that the disadvantaged must be taught differently than those of our “advantaged” classes? Or simply put, are they telling us that the poor are just too fucking stupid and are not capable of learning enough to pull themselves out of poverty? Sure as shit sounds like it to me. Participants of this class will also be able to, “identify the cultural trap experienced by students enduring poverty.” We are, in fact, fucking doomed! I always thought that the cultural trap experienced by students enduring poverty was, well you got it, freaking poverty! It is to retch!!

Other such gems include courses like, “Teaching Creativity, Creatively,” which will require that we, “name & assess nine creative intelligences.” Moving right along, we find, “Self-Esteem for Educators,” which will, of course, “improve your ability to handle the stress of teaching and everyday life.” We also note classes in something called, “Whole Brain Learning,” I guess as opposed to half or quarter-brained learning. The course on, “New Faces,” deals with teaching the newly arrived immigrant to our shores and how best to reach them. They reached my grandmother when she got here at twelve years of age by throwing her immigrant butt into an English only environment and within six months she had the language thing beat. It worked just fine! We’ll also become experts at Dropout Prevention and be able to Discipline With Dignity! Well, fucking hooray for us!! If these and literally hundreds upon hundreds of liberal scams are indeed the future of education in our republic, we may as well turn the fucking lights off and lock the damned doors behind us because it’s absolutely freaking over!

In New York City there exists something entitled the Office of School Redesign that oversees the Office of Portfolio Development. So apparently New York City’s schools are in the process of restructuring with some “portfolio modality” as the focus. Here again, the language is designed to convey a sense of professionalism, a seriousness of purpose, not to mention self-importance. Those employed in the above mentioned offices serve no real educational needs or practices. They are merely empty suits that must look ever busy so as to justify inflated and undeserved salaries and benefits. They accomplish virtually nothing of value, import, or germane regarding the educational requirements of New York City’s students.

According to these mopes they will, “create clear lines of empowerment and accountability where the collaborative work of facilitative leaders and defined teachers results in a culture of personalization for students, improved cross-curriculum teaching, and significant improvements in student achievements and college readiness.” Sounds great – even professional and if you actually understand this Edu-Crap, you should be seriously troubled! It’s meaningless pap and drivel designed to camouflage the fact that these folks haven’t a clue as to what problems exist in New York’s system of education let alone how to solve them.

This same mob also emphasizes concepts like, “Facilitative & Distributive Leadership,” in which the principal, “is responsible for ensuring the collective vision of the whole school is kept at the forefront of the work.” The principal will also establish, “a culture of empowerment and accountability.” Well, let’s see here. We have empowerment, culture, and collective visions. Do you see the point? True professionals working in true professions do not need to use disguises to dupe the public into thinking they have something useful or worthwhile to contribute when in fact they operate on nothing more than smoke and mirrors. They have constructed a house of cards for themselves and while they might not know it there’s a huge wind storm approaching. The charlatans will also employ, “Diagnostic, formative, and summative assessment . . .to drive reflection and the process for improvement of instructional planning and academic interventions.” Double speak and Gobbledeegook! I defy anyone to explain what the fuck that last sentence was all about! They’re also going to employ data that will be, “Disaggregated.” Disaggregated? Disaggregated!?! Hey, disaggregate this, Asshole!

From the University of California –now there’s a real shocker – we have something called the Professional Teaching Standards Visitation Log designed to foster and promote professionalism in the field of education. When a principal or an AP observes a teacher in the classroom this Visitation Log will be used to assist the pedagogue, in addition to other things, in “involving and guiding all students in assessing their own learning.” Additionally, it is designed to “help all students to build their own skills in self-reflection.” Let’s see, how’s helping Tyreek to successfully self-reflect gonna get him a diploma and keep him off welfare? In addition, the teacher should connect, “students’ prior knowledge, life experience, and interests with learning goals.” The student’s “cultural understanding” must also be interwoven throughout the course curriculum. Yeah, okay, how’s this for a math problem? “Hector,” asks the teacher, “if your father is doing 25 to life and your brother’s serving a fifteen year term, while both of your cousins are doing 3 to 9 how many total years must your family members remain incarcerated?” How’s that for fucking cultural understanding!?! The Visitation Log also recommends, “drawing on and valuing students’ backgrounds, interests, and developmental learning needs,” as well as “establishing a climate that promotes fairness and respect,” while fostering “social development and group responsibility.” Alrighty then. Will someone please explain to me how any of this bilge will prevent Latisesha or Kaneesha from birthing still more welfare bastards than they already have? Yeah, that’s what I thought too.

Teaching in no manner, shape or form constitutes a profession and teachers have become nothing more than professional hucksters, con artists, and snake oil salesmen. Throughout the millennia the most important function of any educational system has been preparing the younger generations to take their place and contribute to society in some meaningful fashion while at the same time preparing the generation behind them to do the same. Look around you Mr. or Ms. Fucking Educator. It just ain’t happening and unless we get back to basics post haste the future of this nation is at best bleak!


Much Luv, Y’all and Have a Great Day!

The Fifth Horseman