THE ENERGY INDEPENDENCE RANT

Remember when just about a year ago gasoline was retailing in this area at just north of $4.00 per gallon and home heating oil sold at just over five? I have no clue as to the price of natural – as opposed to unnatural – gas but it had to be going through the roof as well. Diesel fuel was already approaching the $4.50 mark and that’s why we witnessed those completely unglued and thoroughly crazed teamsters running around shrieking that the end of days was finally upon us. This spike in energy prices meant, of course, that the cost of all consumer commodities had risen dramatically as well. It’s that whole Ipso Facto phenomenon kicking in. Everything from the price of food, clothing, housing, recreation, transportation, and anything else you can possibly imagine was soaring at painfully escalating levels. As that eminent patriot and Christian role model so eloquently exclaimed, “ America's chickens are finally coming home to roost!” Since then, of course, prices have come down and fell to roughly a buck and a half per gallon and lo-and-behold the hysteria about fuel prices and supply abruptly faded away! Talk about short fucking memories!! Now, a year later, prices have begun to soar once again and stand at just under $3.00 per gallon at the pump.

The Reverend Wright was, well, right on this point and that’s got to a first for the Brother. He, of course, refers to the present unpleasantness with those fine humanitarian fellows from the world’s most peaceful religion whereas I concur with him only from the standpoint of our energy non-policies for the past forty or fifty years. The chickens have come home not merely to roost but rather to shit all over us and we deserve every bit of it!

I fervently hope, nay pray, that the price at the pump quickly surges well past four dollars a gallon and shoots up to $5.00 post haste. It will be a welcomed day when a barrel of crude costs two hundred buckaroos and I’d be utterly thrilled to see home heating oil keep pace. I’ll actually become giddy with pure delight when the price for a fill up reaches the hundred-dollar benchmark and that’s for a four-cylinder piece of nothing! I want to see as much suffering as can be imagined. You know the gnashing of teeth and rending of garments variety. I want to see at least twice daily news stories from the major media bemoaning the plight of those wretched, unsuspecting, and innocent souls who must choose between: fuel and food; fuel and medication; fuel and clothing; fuel and housing; fuel and you name it. I want to view heart-wrenching news pieces complete with video tape detailing how out of control fuel costs are ruining the lives of the elderly and, oh no, are destroying the future of America’s C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!!

I want to see all this and more because we absolutely fucking deserve it, want it, and now by God we’re sure as shit gonna get it. It’s a beautiful thing to contemplate. Conditions in coming months and years should make the 1970’s OPEC oil embargo seem like mere child’s play; a stroll in the park; a pleasant memory instead of a painful period presided over by that Bumbling Fucking Peanut Farmer from Hell! I want the pain not to be just excruciating but rather exquisitely so. I want Americans to suffer like we’ve never suffered before. I want the angst to be all- inclusive: rich, poor, and in between; young, old, and middle aged; black, white, Hispanic, and Asian. No body escapes and no one gets out alive!

Americans need to wake the fuck up and nothing gets us going like a major hit in the wallet. When gas hits between ten and fifteen dollars per gallon, God willing, that great, unwashed silent majority is gonna go completely bat-shit, berserk, and bonkers and it’s about damned time! We need gas lines that run for miles and rationing must be once again introduced into the daily lexicon. We need to see tanker trucks hijacked and siphoning tubes should become standard issue. Chaos is key and the quicker our fuel “problem” reaches critical mass, the sooner the boobouisie out there will finally demand that this nation becomes completely energy independent and we’ll at long last be able to tell the fucking towel heads to sod off!

Dependence on foreign oil is an absolute national security nightmare and anyone not concerned about importing oil from potential or actual enemies needs his head examined. Energy independence or as close to it as we can come must be adopted as our national mantra. Let’s examine very briefly where we get our oil from. The publication Energy Issues explains that of all proven reserves out there “investor owned oil companies” control a mere six percent while “almost 80 percent is exclusively controlled by foreign governments.” The same article notes, “with global demand skyrocketing, not having a greater share of the world’s oil and natural gas supplies is a threat both to our national security and our economic prosperity.” The article further explains that “in 1980 America imported 36 percent of our oil – today we import 60 percent.” I’ve seen figures that put the number closer to seventy percent, but why quibble over a few points?

We are dependent upon others, some of whom really hate us, for our nation’s life-blood. Like it or not, America runs on oil and without a plentiful supply this country comes to a grinding, screeching, shattering fucking halt! Dependency is always harmful if not absolutely crippling or deadly. There are those amongst us, however, that champion dependency and expect citizens to rely on government to provide all of life’s necessities and luxuries from cradle to grave. Depend on government for food, shelter and housing, walking around money, health and dental care, hospitalization – well, you name it. They do not trust people to live independent lives or to make decisions they deem in their own best self-interest. They encourage deep dependency. They are called Liberal Fucking Democrats and in the name of global interdependence, cultural diffusion, and one-worldism they deem it wise and politically correct to rely on foreigners to provide us with that one commodity that we simply cannot do without. I begin to doubt if these dolts have America’s best interests at the top of their to do lists.

The Energy Information Administration concurs that America imports roughly 60% of its oil from abroad and points out that “we imported only 16% of our crude oil and petroleum products from the Persian Gulf countries of Bahrain, Iraq, Kuwait, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, and the United Arab Emirates.” The EIA further maintains that almost half of our imported oil and oil products come from the Western Hemisphere. The EIA states that, “during 2006 our five biggest suppliers of crude oil and petroleum products were: Canada (17.2%); Mexico (12.4%); Saudi Arabia (10.7%); Venezuela (10.4%); and Nigeria (8.1%)."

We’ve established the fact that we are indeed far too dependent on foreign fuel sources and are at the mercy of their production goals. As demand keeps exponentially increasing, due in part to awakening giants like China and India, we require ever larger shares of the world’s precious crude and thus prices will obviously keep rising. It’s economics 101 in its simplest form. You know, it’s the old supply and demand thing going on. The more folks want something, the more it’s going to cost. As certain items become less available they also become ever less affordable. Even the seniors at the inner-city ghetto high school where I work understand these basic economic principles. They’re just not all that difficult to grasp. There is one group out there, however, that actually doesn’t get it either because they can’t or they won’t. These, of course, are those Lefty, Looney, Liberal Democrats that constitute the Anti-American, Blame America First, Destroy Capitalism Mob.

They view oil companies, without which this country would absolutely fall into bona fide third-world status, as thoroughly and unconsciously evil! They want to literally tax and regulate them out of existence and when they finally ruin Exxon, Mobil, and the rest they’ll pull a Hugo Chavez and nationalize the shit out of them! They accuse these Darth Veders of Petroleum of garnering “windfall profits” and destroying the environment without any regard for the truth or, God forbid, those pesky little things called facts. They care not a whit that capitalism in a democratic society is the most efficient economic engine in history and has provided the world, during its relatively short tenure on the planet, with more wealth and opportunity than all other economic systems combined throughout the millennia! These Liberal Fucking Idiots are utterly and entirely breathtaking in their display of such total ignorance and asininity. If they weren’t so dangerous, they just might be somewhat amusing.

Let’s take a look at those so-called windfall profits. The average profit margin for all companies both large and small over the past two or so decades has been a fairly consistent eight to ten percent. That doesn’t sound overly rapacious, does it? But, you say, that can’t possibly be the case for those EEEVIL OIL COMPANIES! These bastards have mastered the fine art of price gauging!! Sorry to disappoint, Numb Nuts, but that’s just another liberal lie. If you bother to crunch the numbers, actually do your research, you’ll find that the 8-10% profit margin also runs true for our brothers in oil. Some years they make a little more and some a little less but overall their profit margins are in the normal range. When the media shrieks in hysterical hyperbole that Exxon made a gazillion fucking dollars and Shell twice that, ask yourself what percentage of that constituted actual profits?

How would the capitalist-hating scum dogs rectify this windfall dilemma? Simple, they’ll do the only thing they’ve ever done – their stock solution to everything: they’ll tax the shit out of it! That’s right, those damned oil companies must not be allowed to make all that money. The government must confiscate it! These assholes are absolutely serious and yet in the same breath they’ll try to tell you that they don’t really despise capitalism! That’s because they actually believe that us common folk, us average Dunder-Heads, are not capable of picking up on that contradiction. After all, we’re not of their elite status. We’re just too fucking stupid to live and too damned dumb to die! They don’t understand that a windfall profit tax would serve only to exacerbate our supply problems and force yet higher prices at the pumps. The oil companies would simply reduce domestic production to the point where the tax is bearable if not absolutely onerous. They would further shift operations overseas where the windfall tax being pushed by these windbag buffoons simply wouldn’t apply.

Don’t you get it, asshole? Less production means less supply which translates into yet higher prices. God, these people are so fucking thick! According to such sources as the United States Department of Energy and Oil Daily, a whopping 72% of each dollar spent at the pump goes to crude oil. You know, silly things like exploration, extraction, and transportation to refineries where the stuff can be turned into gasoline. An additional 16% of that dollar is slated for refining, distribution, and service stations. Then, of course, there’s that twelve percent of every dollar that goes to the government in the form of, you got it Skippy, taxes! If the damned government can make a 12% profit on a product that it has not one clue as to how to produce, why aren’t the oil companies without which this country would be up Shits Creek be permitted to make a lousy ten percent profit? Finally, “In 2007, the industry earned 8.3 cents on each dollar of sales.” Yeah, talk about EVIL BIG OIL and its windfall profits. Hey, windfall this, Asshole!!

I’ve been hearing quite a bit lately, especially from those on the Liberal Left, about alternative fuels to help offset our so-called lack of petroleum. I’ve heard about windmills that can generate electricity. It’s a non-polluting, inexpensive example of left wing feel goodism and absolutely nothing more. You want windmills, then move to Holland and stick your finger in a damned dike! In a nation this size, it’s akin to spitting in the ocean as far as meeting our energy needs. Additionally, even proponents of this method of energy production back away from it when directly confronted with the prospect. Take that fat drunk Ted Kennedy. As soon as a proposal was advanced to construct a wind farm off Cape Cod the boozy blob bolted into action and killed it deader than poor old Mary Jo Kopecknie all those years ago. After all, that would have interfered with his yachting endeavors not to mention ruining the view! Apparently, liberal hypocrisy knows no bounds. Let the little people suffer any inconvenience. Let their playgrounds be ruined. That’s okay because they don’t matter to those supposed liberal champions of the working stiff!

Another complete alternative energy boondoggle is this Bio-Fuel crap, and especially corn based ethanol. Touted as a viable panacea sure to solve our energy problems, its proponents charged ahead with no thought as to consequences. I’ve long thought that well meaning but clueless people constitute a certain recipe for disaster. They are a fucking train wreck just waiting to happen. We call them Environmental Wackoes (please note the Limbaughism here) and I swear they’re gonna be the death of this great nation! Ethanol is, simply put, a crock and a dangerous one at that. Fuel produced from corn has been proven to be highly inefficient and not particularly reliable. It is also cost prohibitive. It uses more energy to produce a gallon of this stuff than it is worth to sell.

Additionally, as more and more corn is removed from food production and transferred to energy production, food supplies dwindle and become extremely expensive. You may have noticed this on your last trip to the neighborhood supermarket. Who does this hurt more than anyone else? You got it: the poor, the downtrodden, and our working classes. But wait, I thought those good folks are the ones so championed by our Liberal Elites. Is this another example of left wing hypocrisy? Hmmmm? Are you not aware of out and out food riots in places like Mexico City because the price of tortillas, a Mexican staple, has climbed off the charts? We’re talking serious riots here with injury, property damage, and death. If the ethanol lunacy continues unabated, those riots are heading north to our own country.

There is one alternative energy source, however, that makes perfect sense. It is clean, absolutely non-polluting, cheap, efficient, safe and, of course, it’ll never fucking happen! You guessed it Skippy – nuclear power!! It’s time we went nuclear in a very serious and determined fashion. We do not object to or have problems with nuclear medicine, nuclear submarines, or even nuclear weapons. So what the Hell is so wrong with nuclear power? It would end our dependence on foreign oil and would, in fact, go a long way toward making us virtually energy self-sufficient. Who could possibly object to that? Left wing ideologues who hate this country, that’s who. They, along with their ever so willing accomplices in the media, politics, and academe have scared this nation witless over the prospect of nuclear energy. They constantly site our own Three Mile Island debacle and the disaster at Chernobyl as the reasons why the nuclear option must never even be contemplated let alone initiated. In fifty or so years these contemptible clowns can point out two mishaps because there haven’t been any others worth mentioning. It seems to me that’s a pretty damned good track record and one the nuclear power industry should be more than just a little proud of.

This, of course, will deter not in the least the anti-nuclear lobby that continues to misinform and frighten those folks that would most benefit from cheap, efficient, pollution free energy. The best and most cogent argument supporting the rapid development of nuclear power is, obviously, France. That completely pissant nation of professional and perpetual surrender, that sissified sovereign state whose flag is pure white, our asshole “ally” generates 80% of all its power by having gone nuclear! Is anyone out there seriously going to suggest that if a weak-minded, weak-willed excuse of a nation like France can successfully end whatever oil dependence it may have been addicted to, that the United States of America can’t do the same?

If by some miracle of logic, common sense, and self-preservation all of America decided to get behind the nuclear option we would still remain oil dependent for at least another generation. It takes a minimum of a decade from submitting the plans to finally going on line and producing that first kilowatt of energy for just one nuclear power plant. That means, obviously, that for at least the foreseeable future, oil is king. That being said, it is utterly crucial for us to greatly reduce our dependence on foreign crude and increase our domestic production. We have the resources, the technology, and the incentive to do so. Americans do not want to pay those exorbitant fuel prices nor do we desire to live Spartan-like lifestyles because of insufficient supplies. We have the ability to produce virtually all the fuel we require from oil lying beneath the United States or off its shores. Why, then, don’t we get busy you ask?

You know, that’s a damned good question and I’m glad you brought it up. There are only a few pesky impediments standing in our way. I refer primarily to those completely wigged out fucking Enviro-Maniacs who are Hell bent on saving a planet that we couldn’t possibly destroy even if we wanted to. That’s got to be the single most arrogant, outlandish, mendacious lie ever perpetrated on an amazingly gullible public. Talk about hubris! It completely defies all reason, common sense, and logic. Man is just too puny and weak to destroy this thing we call earth and those lying bastards know it full well! We should always, of course, be good stewards and caretakers of our world and for the most part we have been pretty much that: not perfect mind you, but pretty damned good. If these lying sons of bitches were honest they’d flat out tell you that they loathe America, despise capitalism, and want this nation brought down to the level of just another third-world shit hole.

You know their names: Green Peace, Earth First, the Earth Liberation Front, and so many others. They use their junk and pseudo-science to scare the living shit out of the gullible and then demand financial support in order to maintain their power. These people don’t give a rat’s ass about saving: the planet; the rain forests; the whales; the gorillas; or any other fucking thing! The only green they give a damn about is the kind they receive in donations from the compassionate suckers out there who may or may not be well-meaning but who are most certainly wrong-headed. The coffers of the “Greens” seem to be perpetually full and yet they’ve been proven wrong virtually every time they open their anti-American mouths predicting the next apoplectic eco-disaster.

They’ve been wrong 100% of the time, as in never having been right. They want to keep us in a perpetual state of fear, anxiety, and panic. They are the cons and we are the marks. Thomas Malthus way back in the 1700’s was the first disaster monger. His dire predictions about massive world-wide famine, starvation, and death based on too few resources to feed a burgeoning global population turned out to be a complete bust. Sorry about that Tom. Fast forwarding to the 1960’s, we note the rantings of one Rachel Carson who with a straight face predicted the total destruction of all bird life on the planet. Right on Rachel! Moving along to the 1970’s we saw dire predictions of the coming new ice ages during which human-kind would freeze its collective ass off and we’d all be dead! Along come the Ehrlichmans who harkened right back to Malthus and once more predicted doom and gloom, death and disaster based on, ho hum, too many people and too few resources. Nope. Next comes our latest deadly disaster sure to destroy the planet – Global Warming. Championed by such luminaries as Carbon Credit Al, it’s yet one more example of a giant hoax based on nothing more than junk science, fear, and panic. Reputable scientists have already refuted the global warming mongers and the information is readily available. The latest news is something about global cooling over the next two or so decades caused by shifts in ocean currents responsible for planetary temperatures. Do you begin to get it yet? These guys are always wrong. Let’s try an experiment. If your stock broker was always wrong, consistently recommended bad investments, and had a track record of losing your money 100% of the time would you stick with him or drop this loser like a hot fucking rock? Yeah, me too.

Why then do so many of us keep listening to these blithering idiots as they intone against the evils of drilling for the vast oil reserves that exist under our nation and off its shores? We can no longer afford to listen to or take seriously those America-Hating Bastards and their willing accomplices in the media, politics, and academia. The fate of this country hangs in the balance and if we keep following their advice, the United States is absolutely fucking doomed! It is imperative that we have access to abundant, affordable fuel and for the time being at least oil is it!! For those old enough to remember, you’ll recall the hysterical ranting and raving caused by the mere prospect of building the Alaskan pipe line. These guys went completely apoplectic and in predictably boring fashion they railed ad infinitum about the ecological disaster that was about to become Alaska. They foretold the end of the caribou as a species and we evil humans would be the cause of that noble beasts demise. There would be massive oil spills and the pristine wilderness, the indescribable beauty of that state would be forever despoiled by those rapacious and evil oil companies! Wrong again, Shit for Brains. Have you bothered to peruse even one environmental impact study about the effects of the pipe line? No, of course not.

I hate to bust your Enviro-Bubble, sport, but once again you doom and gloomers couldn’t be more hopelessly wrong! Don’t you guys ever get tired of it? ANWR.ORG correctly pointed out that “oil and gas development and wildlife are successfully coexisting in Alaska’s Arctic.” For example, “the Central Arctic Caribou Herd (CACN) which migrates through Prudhoe Bay has grown from 3,000 animals to its current level of 32,000 animals. The Arctic oil fields have very healthy brown bear, fox, and bird populations equal to their surrounding areas.” So sorry to disappoint, but there it is. Still need more? O.K., get ready. The Inupiat Indians who have been “stewards of the land for centuries,” have “seen the Prudhoe Bay caribou herds grow nine times bigger in the 34 years since oil was discovered there and the environment negligibly affected.” Did you catch that part about negligibly affected? Good, because it’s important.

There has been very limited negative impact to Alaska because of the pipe line while at the same time it has had a very positive effect on employment and prosperity in that region. The same applies to those evil, environment raping off-shore oil rigs that are, of course, destroying the oceans off California and Florida. These clowns have been screaming, ranting, and raving about the pollution caused by drilling. Undersea plant and wildlife will virtually disappear and all that will remain are horribly mutated reminders of what used to be before evil humankind raped that particular paradise. Another apology guys, but in keeping with tradition you’re wrong again. Do some damned research because your constant hysteria 24-7-365 is really starting to bore the living shit out of those of us who have bothered to dig up the facts. As with ANWR, wildlife and development can coexist. These oil rigs not only don’t harm aquatic flora and fauna but rather foster and promote it. They act as coral reefs and habitat for all manner of marine life and again with very little negative environmental impact.

Maybe it’s time you Enviro-Hypocrits stopped worrying so much about the beasties, birdies, and fishes – they’ll be okay. Perhaps just maybe you ought to be a tad more concerned with the fate and well being of your beloved country and its future if we don’t break our addiction to foreign oil. Unless we immediately begin extracting as much crude as possible from our own plentiful domestic sources this nation faces certain destruction. Oh, wait. I forgot – that’s exactly what you guys are fervently hoping for! As far as our plentiful oil reserves, no sarcasm is intended here. We have plenty and it’s time you assholes got the fuck out of the way and allow people who would like to see America remain free and powerful do what is necessary. If you don’t, there may come a day in the not too distant future when you’ll no longer have a choice and you can take that anyway you want to, Fucko!

ANWR.ORG(www.anwr.org) asks if we are concerned about fuel prices and states that tapping into these reserves could easily equal 30 years of Saudi oil. The organization correctly notes that, “the fundamental problem is that national energy policy, largely fashioned by groups opposed to fossil fuel, has seriously jeopardized industry’s ability to meet energy needs in a timely fashion.” Think about it: thirty years the equivalent of Saudi oil and the fucking tree hugging, save the planet, lying anti-American bastards have literally stopped us cold. Shame on us!! The region also, according to the Department of the Interior, contains recoverable oil ranging in estimates from “600 million barrels at the low end to 9.2 billion at the high end.” In addition, the DOI also reported “identifying 26 separate oil and gas prospects in the Coastal Plain that could each contain ‘super giant’ fields (500 million barrels or more).”

Lest it sounds like we’re planning to just rip up the Alaskan Wilderness Wildlife Refuge apart let’s get some perspective here. ANWR is approximately the size of the entire state of South Carolina while the area in question is roughly the size of New York City’s Kennedy Airport. Does that calm you down at all? As Worldnet Daily’s(www.worldnetdaily.com) Jerome Corsi explains, “Let’s get the Alaska oil debate into perspective. The Congressional Office of Technology and Assessment estimates that oil production in ANWR as contemplated in the current legislation would require only about 5,000 to 7,000 acres, one-half of 1 percent of ANWR, or about 0.004 percent (four one thousands percent) of Alaska’s total land mass.” Has your breathing returned to a normal rate yet? Corsi concludes that, “America needs to wake up to the reality that with 1.28 trillion barrels of proven reserves worldwide, we have never in recorded history been so awash in oil. The ‘Black Gold Stranglehold’ is one of our own making. Drilling in ANWR is an important step forward to the United States becoming more oil independent. If we lose this battle, the grip of the ‘stranglehold’ will only grow tighter.”

It’s absolutely essential that we get off our collective asses and if necessary steamroll right over those phony Environmental Fucking Nut Jobs whose main reason for existence is to bring this nation to its knees! Additionally, the technology now exists so that extraction is more environmentally friendly than ever before. Extended-reach or directional drilling (Nope, not a chance. You look ‘em up) leaves a far “smaller footprint” on the land than could previously have been done with technologies of the past. There isn’t one sound reason not to go after the natural resources with which this country has been so abundantly blessed and we really can’t afford to wait much longer. The world has become too dangerous a place for waiting. Certainly we must act responsibly, but act we must!

Lest you think that ANWR is our nation’s only hope for ending our dependence on foreign oil let me say three words: The Bakken Formation. Never heard of it you say. Well, most folks haven’t. The Bakken Formation covers portions of North Dakota and Montana and it is huge. According to WorldNetDaily, “the find would make the recoverable oil in North Dakota and Montana the largest U.S. oil reserves outside Alaska.” How large? Try this. The Bakken Formation contains an “estimated 3 to 4.3 billion barrels of technically recoverable oil.” According to Next Energy News, “America is sitting on top of a super massive 200 billion barrel oil field that could potentially make America energy independent.” This “could boost America’s oil reserves by an incredible 10 times, giving western economies the trump card against OPEC’s short squeeze on oil supply and making Iranian and Venezuelan threats of disrupted supply irrelevant.” The same source notes, “it is believed that from 175 to 500 billion barrels of recoverable oil are held in this 200,000 square mile reserve.”

Of course, in order to take advantage of this opportunity to become independent insofar as energy is concerned we must begin the extraction process without any further delay. That’s called a sound, efficient, and necessary energy policy. In addition, it is absolutely imperative that new refineries are constructed to keep pace with our new oil reserve discoveries. It doesn’t matter how much crude we barrel-up if our refining capacity remains static. The Environmental Numb-Nuts have successfully blocked all attempts to augment our refining capabilities for damn near forty years! Additional refineries constitute the second phase of a sound, realistic, and workable long range energy policy. New oil reserves coupled with additional refinery capacity lead us to the third phase of our long term energy strategy. We must over time find new technologies that will give us the freedom to depend on no one save ourselves to provide our energy-fuel requirements. Taking advantage of our new found petroleum reserves will provide us the necessary breathing space to accomplish that. The final stage, phase four, of a sane and rational energy policy must include steps to completely neutralize-neuter those Environmental Eco-Freaks who couldn’t give a flying fuck about saving the planet and whose primary agenda is destroying the greatest nation in the history of the world!!

Much Luv Y’All and Have a Great Day!

The Fifth Horsemen